When couples walk through my door for counselling, many carry the hope—often unspoken—that I’ll wave a magic wand and solve their relationship issues. But here’s the reality: relationships don’t heal themselves, nor can any therapist "fix" them without effort from both parties. Real change comes from work, commitment, and a willingness to improve the status quo.
I often ask my clients, “If I had a magic wand, what would change in your relationship?” It’s a simple question, but the answers (or lack thereof) can be incredibly telling. In some cases, the breakdown has become so severe that neither partner knows how to answer. The response is often, “Well, I’m here, but I’m not even sure I can continue.”
This is the hallmark of a deeply conflicted or, at worst, devitalised relationship—when partners have become so polarised that even imagining change feels impossible. But here’s the good news: it is possible to move from “I can’t” to “I do.” It takes work, yes, but more importantly, it requires both partners to fully engage in the process.
The Role of Commitment in Couples Counselling
As a couples counsellor and relationship coach based in Subiaco, Perth, my role isn’t to "fix" your relationship but to facilitate meaningful change. That change requires commitment—both to the process and to each other. Devitalised couples, in particular, should invest in at least 8 sessions to give the process the time it needs to truly stick.
How Change Happens
During our sessions, we work on tangible tools and skills to rebuild your bond. One of the most impactful strategies we use is roleplay. This isn’t about putting on a show; it’s about feeling the difference between a positive exchange and a negative, unhelpful interaction. When couples practise new ways of communicating, they can experience firsthand how graduated behavioural changes lead to a stronger, healthier relationship.
Roleplay allows partners to break old habits and establish new ones in a safe, guided space. It’s one of the best ways to internalise the tools we discuss in therapy and bring them into your everyday life.
Why 8 Sessions Are Essential
For deeply polarised or devitalised couples, change doesn’t happen overnight. Eight sessions provide the time and structure needed to:
Understand the root causes of the breakdown.
Practise and refine new communication strategies.
Build trust and empathy over time.
Shorter counselling plans may work for less conflicted couples, but when the stakes are high, a more comprehensive approach is critical to achieving lasting results.
From "I Can’t" to "I Do"
The most important takeaway? A therapist doesn’t have a magic wand. No matter how skilled or experienced your counsellor is, the success of couples counselling depends on both partners committing to the process.
But if you’re willing to do the work, the rewards are immeasurable: a healthier, happier relationship where both partners feel heard, valued, and connected.
Ready to invest in your relationship? Let’s take that first step together.
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